Prayer Request

I am sending a quick note from my phone... please say a little prayer for my daughter... we're in the ER awaiting results from xrays. I'll update more later.

Beatification of John Paul II

The Vatican has announced that the beatification of Pope John Paul II will be on May 1, 2011.  Typically a miracle needs to be attributed to the candidate for beatification and a French nun, Sister Marie Simon Pierre, was cured of Parkinson's Disease after praying to Pope John Paul II who also had the disease and ultimately died from it on April 2, 2005.  The miracle was given unanimous consent by the Vatican medical panel and Pope Benedict XVI has signed off on it and set the date for beatification.  Proof of another miracle is typically needed as well for the final step - canonization.

Did His Holiness, John Paul II kiss a Koran, or was it a Catholic missal in Arabic?

Is the man standing next to him a Catholic priest, or an Islamic clergyman?
I have never seen any "good" answers to these questions.

Reformers on Mary (Update)

Updated: February 27, 2011 (I'm calling this finished):

“Reformers on Mary”

An Assembly of Quotes
Before we begin, let me clarify, this page of quotes was not originally of my own doing.  My original exposure to the original quotes came from a participant on the BattleACTS discussion group on April 25, 2004 (that post has been deleted, I assume by the original author, who has that right, in fact ALL posts by that author in that timeframe have disappeared though you can see “replies” to her).  Later, I found the exact same list on (click here for an archive copy of that page, or here for the current page there).  Mr. James Swan challenged virtually all of the quotes attributed to Martin Luther, so I have gone through these quotes - many due to Mr. Swan’s research - and corrected those needing correction.  For continued discussions of the quotes in particular, please see the “Indices” page on the CathApol Blog under “Luther on Mary, A Dialog with James Swan.”  This current page represents a correction of the original and has added a few more quotes to the mix as well.

Martin Luther:

Mary the Mother of God
"She is rightly called not only the mother of the man, but also the Mother of God ... It is certain that Mary is the Mother of the real and true God."1
Perpetual Virginity
"Let them say here too that the flesh of the Virgin was meanwhile annihilated, or as they would more aptly say, transubstantiated, so that Christ, after being enfolded in its accidents, finally came forth through the accidents!  The same thing will have to be said of the shut door and the closed mouth of the sepulcher, through which He went in and out without disturbing them."2a

"I believe that for me He was born of the pure Virgin Mary, without harm to her bodily and spiritual virginity, in order that, by the mercy of His Father, He might make my sinful, damnable birth, and the birth of all who believe in Him, blessed and harmless and pure."2b
The Immaculate Conception 
Luther clearly believed in the Immaculate Conception prior to becoming a Protestant, and I posit that this belief stayed with him throughout his life - however, support for this is not as clear later in his life as it was earlier.  Some base this lack of clarity later in his life as a rejection of the concept, though logically speaking, silence would lend itself to consent, not rejection.
1518: (Still a Catholic here) “Second, even if the pope along with a large part of the church should feel thus and so, and even if it were true that he does not err, it is still not a sin, nor is it heresy, to take the opposite position, especially in something which is not necessary for salvation, until the one position has been rejected by a general council and the other approved. But, lest I become too involved, let me state that my position is proved in this one instance, namely, that the Roman church along with the general council at Basel and almost with the whole church feels that the Holy Virgin was conceived without sin. Yet those who hold the opposite opinion should not be considered heretics, since their opinion has not been disproved.” 3
1521: (Recently excommunicated)  “In regard to the conception of our Lady they have admitted that, since this article is not necessary to salvation, it is neither heresy nor error when some hold that she was conceived in sin, although in this case council, pope, and the majority hold a different view.  Why should we poor Christians be forced to believe whatever the pope and his papists think, even when it is not necessary to salvation? Has papal authority the power to make unnecessary matters necessary articles of faith, and can it make heretics of people in matters which are not necessary for salvation?” 4
1527: "But the other conception, namely the infusion of the soul, it is piously and suitably believed, was without any sin, so that while the soul was being infused, she would at the same time be cleansed from original sin and adorned with the gifts of God to receive the holy soul thus infused. And thus, in the very moment in which she began to live, she was without all sin..."5
1538: “In our Christian Creed we confess that Christ was conceived and became man or was incarnate (if I may so speak), that He became a real human being by assuming a body. We confess that He assumed genuine flesh and blood from the Virgin Mary that He did not pass through her as the sun shines through a glass but brought her virgin flesh and blood with Him. If this had taken place only with the co-operation of Mary, the Babe would not have been pure. But though Mary has been conceived in sin, the Holy Spirit takes her flesh and blood and purifies them; and thence He creates the body of the Son of God. This is why it is said that "He was conceived by the Holy Ghost." Thus He assumed a genuine body from His mother Mary, but this body was cleansed from sin by the Holy Spirit. If this were not the case, we could not be saved.”6
This view, "But though Mary has been conceived in sin, the Holy Spirit takes her flesh and blood and purifies them" can be compared to Luther's belief, documented previously, in the two conceptions of Mary - one physical and one spiritual.  Luther believed the physical conception still inherited original sin, but upon Mary's second conception, wherein the soul is conceived and life is given, at the moment of spiritual conception Mary was cleansed from all stain of original sin.  Bearing that in mind, Luther here has not denied his earlier teaching on the two conceptions - nor does this reference explicitly state when Mary was purified.  It can still be maintained that he has not denied the Immaculate Conception.  Being that this is a bit vague in this sermon as to exactly when Mary was purified - we can see how those who deny the IC impute their interpretation into this citation, and if this citation alone was all we had, they may have a point, but let us continue.  Likewise, it can still be maintained that he did not abandon the "two conceptions" concept he taught earlier.
(Non-Catholic) James Swan writes:
These comments are from his Genesis Commentary, toward the end of his life in 1544:
“…Christ was truly born from true and natural flesh and human blood which was corrupted by original sin in Adam, but in such a way that it could be healed. Thus we, who are encompassed by sinful flesh, believe and hope that on the day of our redemption the flesh will be purged of and separated from all infirmities, from death, and from disgrace; for sin and death are separable evils. Accordingly, when it came to the Virgin and that drop of virginal blood, what the angel said was fulfilled: “The Holy Spirit will come upon you and overshadow you”. To be sure, the Messiah was not born by the power of flesh and blood, as is stated in John 1:13: “Not of blood nor of the will of a man, etc.”  Nevertheless, He wanted to be born from the mass of the flesh and from that corrupted blood.  But in the moment of the Virgin’s conception the Holy Spirit purged and sanctified the sinful mass and wiped out the poison of the devil and death, which is sin. Although death remained in that flesh on our account, the leaven of sin was nevertheless purged out, and it became the purest flesh, purified by the Holy Spirit and united with the divine nature in one Person. 7
Swan prefaces that citation with "Rather she was purified at the conception of Christ."  I believe he has misread the citation (he continues to disagree with me on this point).  What Swan has quoted from Luther in 1544 is "in the moment of the Virgin's conception..." (that's Mary's conception, not Jesus') "...the Holy Spirit purged and sanctified the sinful mass and wiped out the poison of the devil and death, which is sin."  Remember, Luther has already posited that Jesus' conception was preserved from all sin, even in His physical conception so Luther could not have been referring to Jesus' conception here.  
Swan's viewpoint here is:
But in the moment of the Virgin’s conception (of Jesus) the Holy Ghost purged and sanctified the sinful mass (of the flesh which would become Jesus’) and wiped out the poison of the devil and death, which is sin.  Although death remained in that flesh (Jesus’) on our account, the leaven of sin was nevertheless purged out, and it became the purest flesh, purified by the Holy Ghost and united with the divine nature in one Person (again Jesus).
The problem would remain here - Luther believed the flesh of Christ was pure already and didn’t need purging.  
As we saw above, Luther adhered to a concept of a dual conception - one physical and one spiritual.  The Catholic definition does not make such a distinction, so Luther's view of the "second conception" fits quite perfectly with the dogmatic definition of the Immaculate Conception which was so defined over 300 years after 1546, the year of Luther's death, but more to the point here, just two years before his death he expresses belief that "in the moment of the Virgin's conception the Holy Spirit purged and sanctified the sinful Mass (the product of the "first conception" in Luther's theology) and wiped out the poison of the devil and death, which is sin."  So what we have seen here is that it can be seen that Luther did indeed have a life-long belief in the Immaculate Conception.  Was it identical to the 1854 definition?  That is debatable, but also unnecessary as the precision of the definition comes with the 1854 ex cathedra decree from Pope Pius IX.  Thus Luther's belief in the "two conceptions" was an acceptable understanding of the Immaculate Conception for his day and this belief does not seem to have changed throughout Luther's life.  
The bottom line here, as for a “lifelong” adherence to the Immaculate Conception, is that we can definitely argue for this in his early life and up to 1538 (within 8 years of his death).  In 1544 arguments can be made either way, though in my personal opinion more weight falls on the accepting side of the debate than on the rejecting side - I acknowledge that Mr. Swan continues to disagree with me on this point.
1546      Death of Luther in Eisleben on February 18
Assumption of the Blessed Virgin
Although he did not make it an article of faith, Luther said of the doctrine of the Assumption:
"There can be no doubt that the Virgin Mary is in heaven. How it happened we do not know."8
Honor to Mary
Despite his unremitting criticism of the traditional doctrines of Marian mediation and intercession, to the end Luther continued to proclaim that Mary should be honored. He made it a point to preach on her feast days.
You know, my friends, that deep in the heart of men is inscribed the honor with which one honors the mother of God; yes, it is even so deep that no one willingly hears anything against it, but extols her more and more. Now we grant that she should be honored since we are enjoined by the Scripture to receive one another with honor, as Paul says (Romans 12:10); so man must also honor her. Above all she must be rightly honored, but the people have "fallen" so deeply in this honor that she is more highly honored than is right and there are two harmful results of all of this: a rupture with Christ inasmuch as the hearts of men are more directed to her than to Christ himself. Christ is put behind in darkness and entirely forgotten!" 9
We must concur with Luther that over-emphasis on Mary which would supplant her Son is misplaced honor - but Luther is still endorsing honoring the Blessed Virgin.
"Is Christ only to be adored? Or is the holy Mother of God rather not to be honoured? This is the woman who crushed the Serpent's head. Hear us. For your Son denies you nothing."10a
Luther made this statement in his last sermon at Wittenberg in January 1546. [added note - in context, this sermon is actually critical of "Bernard's" use of honor - Bernard, in Luther’s opinion went too far.  Luther still supports honoring Mary, just not so far as Bernard went.   And here is more context for the reader:
“Therefore, when we preach faith, that we should worship nothing but God alone, the Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, as we say in the Creed: “I believe in God the Father almighty and in Jesus Christ,” then we are remaining in the temple at Jerusalem. Again, “This is my beloved Son; listen to him” “You will find him in a manger”. He alone does it. But reason says the opposite: What, us? Are we to worship only Christ? Indeed, shouldn’t we also honor the holy mother of Christ? She is the woman who bruised the head of the serpent.? ? Hear us, Mary, for thy Son so honors thee that he can refuse thee nothing. Here Bernard went too far in his “Homilies on the Gospel ‘ Missus est Angelus .’ ”? ? God has commanded that we should honor the parents; therefore I will call upon Mary. She will intercede for me with the Son, and the Son with the Father, who will listen to the Son. So you have the picture of God as angry and Christ as judge; Mary shows to Christ her breast and Christ shows his wounds to the wrathful Father. That’s the kind of thing this comely bride, the wisdom of reason cooks up: Mary is the mother of Christ, surely Christ will listen to her; Christ is a stern judge, therefore I will call upon St. George and St. Christopher. No, we have been by God’s command baptized in the name of the Father, the Son, and the Holy Spirit, just as the Jews were circumcised. Therefore, just as the Jews set up all over the land their own self-chosen shrines, as if Jerusalem were too narrow, so we also have done. As a young man must resist lust and an old man avarice, so reason is by nature a harmful whore. But she shall not harm me, if only I resist her. Ah, but she is so comely and glittering. That’s why there must be preachers who will point people to the catechism: I believe in Jesus Christ, not in St. George or St. Christopher, for only of Christ is it said, “Behold, the Lamb of God, who takes away the sin of the world”; not of Mary or the angels. The Father did not speak of Gabriel or any others when he cried from heaven, “Listen to him.” 10b
The Church has always extolled Mary simply in the spirit of the Magnificat.  Luther himself had published a printed exposition of the Magnificat in 1521. There he still speaks of the
Blessed Virgin in the usual way (" Werke," Weim. ed., 7, p. 545 f. ; Erl. ed., 45, p. 214 f.). At the commencement of the work he invokes her assistance with the words :
"May the same tender Mother of God obtain for me the spirit to interpret her song usefully and practically . . . that we may sing and chant this Magnificat eternally in the life to come. So help us God. Amen."  
In the same way, at the close, he expresses his hope that a right understanding of the Magnificat
"may not only illumine and teach, but burn and live in body and soul ; may Christ grant us this by the intercession and assistance of His dear Mother Mary.  Amen"
(p. 601 = 287). Thus he was then still in favour of the invocation and intercession of the Holy Mother of God, whereas later he set aside the invocation of any Saint, and declared it to be one of " the abuses of Antichrist." (See Kostlin, " Luthers Theologie," l 2 , p. 370 ff.)" 11
“Wherefore, let the blessed Virgin hold her place of due honour, as the woman whom God adorned with that high privilege above all other women, — that she, as a virgin, should bring forth the Son of God. 12
John Calvin: 
            Mother of God
"Elizabeth called Mary Mother of the Lord, because the unity of the person in the two natures of Christ was such that she could have said that the mortal man engendered in the womb of Mary was at the same time the eternal God."13 
Perpetual Virginity
"The word brothers, we have formerly mentioned, is employed, agreeably to the Hebrew idiom, to denote any relatives whatever; and, accordingly, Helvidius displayed excessive ignorance in concluding that Mary must have had many sons, because Christ’s brothers are sometimes mentioned."14 
Honor to Mary
"It cannot be denied that God in choosing and destining Mary to be the Mother of his Son, granted her the highest honor."15
"To this day we cannot enjoy the blessing brought to us in Christ without thinking at the same time of that which God gave as adornment and honour to Mary, in willing her to be the mother of his only-begotten Son."16 

Ulrich Zwingli:
Perpetual Virginity
"I firmly believe that Mary, according to the words of the gospel as a pure Virgin brought forth for us the Son of God and in childbirth and after childbirth forever remained a pure, intact Virgin."17
Mother of God, Perpetual Virginity (ever chaste) and Immaculate Virgin Mary
"I esteem immensely the Mother of God, the ever chaste, immaculate Virgin Mary."18
"Christ ... was born of a most undefiled Virgin."19 
Honor to Mary 
"It was fitting that such a holy Son should have a holy Mother."20
"The more the honor and love of Christ increases among men, so much the esteem and honor given to Mary should grow."21
"It was given to her what belongs to no creature, that in the flesh she should bring forth the Son of God."22

1 Luther, Martin, Luther's Works, Volume 24, (LW 24) 107.
2a Luther, Martin; Luther's Works Volume II, A.J. Holman Company, 1916, p. 191: qtd from:
2b ibid. p. 371,
3 Luther, Martin, Luther’s Works as quoted by James Swan: LW 31:172-173.
4 Luther, Martin, Luther’s Works as quoted by James Swan: LW 32:79-80.
5 Luther, Martin, Weimar edition of Martin Luther's Works, English translation edited by J. Pelikan [Concordia: St. Louis], Volume 4, 694.
  • This citation mentions J. Pelikan, but actually points to the Latin volume in “Volume 4, (p)694”  You can see it in the Latin form here: (kudos to “Ben” for finding this).
  • This quote comes from a sermon preached by Luther ("On the Day of the Conception of the Mother of God," 1527) and was published with his permission.  It is alleged that prior to the end of his life support for the Immaculate Conception is not found in published editions of his works.  Modern Protestant apologists speculate that he rejected the Immaculate Conception, however, their arguments seem to stem from what Luther did not say and/or may have removed from later publications of earlier sermons - including this one.  You can see this quote along with context from "On the Day of the Conception of the Mother of God" sermon on the CathApol Blog:

6 Luther, Martin, as quoted by James Swan:  [Martin Luther, D.Martin Luthers Werke: Kritische Gesamtausgabe, Abteilung Werke 45:51 quoted in Martin Luther, What Luther Says, Vol. I, 152.]
7 LW 7 (Kindle reference: need this )  (LW 7:13, per Swan)
8 Cole, William J. Was Luther a Devotee of Mary?" (Marian Studies), (1970), 123-124. citing WA 10, III, 268.  
9 Luther, Martin, Weimar edition of Martin Luther's Works 10, III (WA 10, III) p.313.   [Additional context to the original citation has been provided by James Swan.]
10a Luther, Martin, (as quoted from: )
10b Luther, Martin, qtd on Coming Home Network: (LW, vol. 51, pp. 375-376) (Swan claims CHN got this from him).
11 Grisar, Hartmann, Luther p. 237
12 Luther, Martin, Commentary on First Five Chapters of Genesis, p. 257 (Link to ebook)
13 John Calvin, Calvini Opera [Braunshweig-Berlin, 1863-1900], Volume 45, 35.
14 John Calvin, (Harmony of Matthew, Mark and Luke, sec. 39 [Geneva, 1562], vol. 2 / From Calvin’s Commentaries, translated by William Pringle, Grand Rapids, Michigan: Eerdmans, 1949, p.215; on Matthew 13:55)
15 John Calvin, Calvini Opera [Braunshweig-Berlin, 1863-1900], Volume 45, 348.
16 John Calvin, A Harmony of Matthew, Mark and Luke (St. Andrew's Press, Edinburgh, 1972), p.32.
17 Ulrich Zwingli, Zwingli Opera, Corpus Reformatorum, Volume 1, 424.
18 E. Stakemeier, De Mariologia et Oecumenismo, K. Balic, ed., (Rome, 1962), 456.
19 Ibid.
20 Ibid.
21 Ulrich Zwingli, Zwingli Opera, Corpus Reformatorum, Volume 1, 427-428.
22 Ulrich Zwingli, In Evang. Luc., Opera Completa [Zurich, 1828-42], Volume 6, I, 639

Closing note:
When this page was originally published on the ACTS Website the quotes were provided by a member of the BattleACTS discussion group.  Later I found the quotes, verbatim, published at  For nearly 7 years these quotes were on the ACTS Website and in December of 2010 James Swan challenged virtually all the quotes on Luther.  I have since gone through the quotes and citations, verifying them myself and/or relying on Mr. Swan’s research on several of them.  Even though many times he (and others on his blog) crossed the line from constructive criticism to personal attack, I am still thankful for the time and effort he has put forth and therefore have no problem crediting him where sources came directly from him.  My goal is to present the truth and I am fine with the fact that Mr. Swan receives credit for his research. I hope he, and you the reader, can see that regardless of who did the research originally (I have done a fair share on this topic too, have purchased a multi-volume set of Luther's sermons, etc.) the point is the TRUTH gets out. 

The quotes are available for the objective reader to consider.

Original 2002 source of quotes from can still be found on the site:

Another discussion of this topic:

Dave Armstrong's article from 2003:

Honorable Judge John Roll

Rep. Gabrielle Giffords
I'm sure many of you have heard the news of Arizona Congresswoman Gabrielle Giffords being shot in the head at 10:10am MST, Saturday morning, January 8, 2011.  As of Saturday evening she's clinging to life, but the doctors are optimistic for her recovery, perhaps even a full recovery.  Let us remember her in our prayers.

The Honorable Judge John Roll, a friend of Giffords, had just left morning Mass (as was his usual routine on a Saturday morning, going to Mass at the cathedral then going home to "due the floors") and heard Representative Giffords was doing a "Congress on the Corner" (a town hall-like meeting, she was fond of doing), so he decided to stop by and say hello.  Judge Roll ended up being in the wrong place at the wrong time.  A 22 year old gunman opened fire on the small crowd.  It is estimated there were 24 to 36 people there - and 19 of them were shot!  Judge Roll, may he rest in peace, is among 6 who died today, another was a 9 year old girl - and we don't know anything more, yet, of the other 4 who were gunned down.  

For those who lost their lives today we pray, eternal rest grant unto them, o Lord; may your Perpetual Light shine upon them; may they rest in peace.  Amen.

Addendum January 10, 2011:
Monday morning, about 48 hours after the incident, Giffords is still hanging in there with no deterioration of  her condition, which is a good sign.  She's under a drug induced coma to allow her body to heal.  Time will tell but things are still looking optimistic for her prognosis.

Those killed were:
  • Christina Taylor-Greene, 9, a student at Mesa Verde Elementary
  • Dorothy Morris, 76, a retiree
  • Judge John Roll, 63
  • Phyllis Scheck, 79, a retiree
  • Dorwin Stoddard, 76, a retiree. His wife was also injured, sources say
  • Gabriel (Gabe) Zimmerman, 30, Giffords' director of community outreach 
Left to right top row: Christina Taylor-Green, Dorothy Morris, Hon. John Roll; bottom row: Phyllis Scheck, Dorwin Stoddard and Gabriel Zimmerman (AP Photo)
A word of note, Christina Taylor-Greene was born on September 11, 2001 amidst the tragedy of that day - and dies on a day of tragedy as well.  As notable as these two events are Christina's parents make it clear, Christina's life was full of ambition and energy - she was their little angel (I would say she still is) and will be remembered that way.  She had recently received her First Holy Communion.  The reason Christina was there was due to the fact that she had recently been elected to the 3rd Grade Student Council at her school and was very interested in politics.  She was there to learn more about Gabrielle Giffords and her political life.  Christina was also pictured as a "Faces Of Hope" child (portraits of children born on 9/11).
Baby picture from "Faces of Hope" book by Christine Pisera Naman.

It is reported that Dorwin Stoddard gave his life shielding his wife from the crazed gunman.   His wife is reported to be among the wounded as well.

Fundamentalist Rulebook

This list was posted to the Catholic Debate Forum, and I thought I'd share it here as well...

Disclaimer:  While we may discuss the views expressed here, it should be made clear, the views expressed in this list are those of "Stuff Fundies Like" and not necessarily those of the CathApol Blog or its administrators.

The List So Far
1. I am right and you are wrong. Always.
2. Unity Means Agreeing With Me That My Pastor Is Right.
3. The less certain something is, the more certain you must appear to be about it.
4. If you cannot win an argument with logic you must simply outlast your opponent. Once he gives up, declare victory.
5. There is no fight that is not worth fighting.
6. The less fun it is the godlier it must be.
7. Women’s primary purpose is to serve as a temptation to men. They are also somewhat useful for housework.
8. All God’s people shall say “amen.” This is never an inappropriate response.
9. If it is new it is bad. If it is old it is good. (with the exception that if it is really, really old then it is likely to be Catholic)
10. There is no situation that a good dose of ministerial yelling can’t fix.
11. Old Testament rules about sex, tattoos, women in pants, and the death penalty still apply. Old Testament rules about lobster don’t. (That is why we call this the Age of Grace)
12. Invitations shall continue until the Spirit is satisfied that enough people have come to the altar as revealed to the pastor. The Spirit shall be extra hard to satisfy on any Superbowl Sunday.
14. Mormons are considered to be Christians for the following purposes:
a) National Elections
b) Political Talk Shows
c) Songs for God and Country Sunday
15. Neither this nor any other list of rules can be considered exhaustive; a majority shall always be unspoken, arbitrary, and subject to change at the whim of the authority.
16. It’s much better to have an innocent person die than to tell a lie to a Nazi.
17. A man is to be as much of a leader of his own house as his pastor will let him be.
18. Thou shalt not speak out against other fundamentalists on any subject that really matters. Keep disputes as trivial as possible lest you risk having your own dirty laundry exposed.
19. Spare the rod and spoil the child. (A “rod” being defined as a paddle, stick, belt, spatula, wooden spoon, rubber hose, truncheon, flail, or anything else that happens to be handy)
20. A man may not wear glasses connected by a chain for if they should slip off his nose and dangle about his neck, someone may be made to think that he is wearing a necklace and that is the appearance of evil.
21. Pastors should preach as frequently as possible on sin — preferably the sins of other people
22. Gays are responsible for pretty much every bad thing that happens in America. Africans are responsible for the rest.
23. We reject the authority of the Pope to speak ex cathedra on matters of doctrine. That’s what local church pastors are for.
24. We believe in individual soul liberty — although we’ve never seen a good reason for anybody to actually use it.
25. Dancing is an abomination unless it takes place in a classic film or on the stage of a Gilbert & Sullivan musical at a fundamentalist college.
26. The joy, joy, joy, joy must reside down in your heart. (Where? down in your heart!)
27. In movies sex is bad but violence is fine. (The Bible contains both but we’d rather you didn’t mention it)
28. Prayers must be said before all meals, ball games, and road trips. As long as you’re not using the Lord’s Prayer this is not considered vain repetition.
29. When swimming, a woman shall wear enough layers of clothing to double her weight when immersed.
30. A Christian taking government aid is a sure sign they are not trusting God. (Not that our church is going to start paying its employees enough to live on, mind you. )
31. If you send your child to public school you may as well brand 666 on their forehead and get it over with. No child can emerge from that den of liberalism anything other than a Gay Satanist Democrat.
32. There are not two sides to every story. There is only the truth and the lies made up by those liberal compromisers whom Satan is using to attack our ministry.
33. We deny the mysticism of the Catholics and the signs and wonders of the charismatics. We do, however, have a litany of strange coincidences to get us totally stoked.
34. When a pastor gets caught doing wrong his job is to deny, deny, deny. Your job is to back him up to the bitter end.
35. “Fellowship” = “Food”
36. In a business meeting all in favor of the pastor’s motion shall signify by saying “aye.” All opposed shall shut up if they know what’s good for them.
37.If there’s hair touching your ears, there’s sin in your heart.
38. Anything that annoys the pastor annoys Jesus too.
39. Any church members who is not “here and in their place” during special meetings will be punished by being used as a sermon illustration.
40. Nobody is allowed to criticize our ministry unless they have gone out and built a ministry of equal size. (Then we’ll ignore them because they’re liberal)
41. Microphone feedback during a sermon is a sure sign of satanic attack against the preacher.
42. The truth shall not be allowed to get in the way of any good sermon illustration.
43. Any growth in our church is a sure sign of God’s blessing on our ceaseless soul winning efforts. Any growth in your church is due to seeker sensitive gimmicks and soft preaching on sin.
44. Alcohol is allowed in your home if 1. It is hidden in cough syrup 2. You pretend not to like it 3. You consume no more than 4 bottles a week.
45. Context? Our proof texts don’t need no stinkin’ context!
46. The moving picture house is a bastion of wickedness. Watching the same (G Rated) movies at home is just fine.
47. If you can’t find a Scripture verse that proves your point, substitute a quote from another fundamentalist instead. It’s practically as good.
48. The only proper color for a man’s Bible is black. Men who choose any other color are likely to be the sort who also part their hair in the middle and enjoy cooking a little too much.
49. Every date is a potential mate. Not that we’re trying to put pressure on you or anything.
50. As much as we dislike Muslims, we do admire the way they keep their women in line.
51. Bad things that happen to me and mine are persecution and attacks of Satan. Bad things that happen to you and yours are God’s judgment for your sinful ways.
52. The King James version was written to bring the Bible into the language of the common man of the 1600′s. If today’s common man can’t understand it that’s his own stupid fault.
53. Adding even one word Bible is sacrilege of the worst kind. Unless, of course, your pastor told you to write it in the margin. Then it’s all good.
54. When you really want to be taken seriously, use lots of Comic Sans. This goes double for your church website.
55. The fact that toddlers will instinctively dance to music with a beat is evidence of their Adamic nature.
56. Rock music is perfectly acceptable to play in church so long as the person doing it is an evangelist who is demonstrating exactly how wrong it is to play rock music in church.
57. All families must have as many children as physically possible. This will only lead to economic hardship if you lack sufficient faith.
58. Halloween is a demonic holiday wherein people dress up in costumes and beg for candy on the 31st of October. Harvest Festival is a God-honoring event wherein people dress up in costumes and beg for candy (by complete coincidence) also on the 31st of October.
59. While we believe that no good Christian should ever go to a godless, atheist, state-run university, that does not stop us from proudly rooting for their godless, atheist football team.
60. Gluttony is barely a sin and only worth mentioning from the pulpit in the context of a joke.
61. Always assume your fellow fundamentalists have the best possible motives for their actions. Always assume everyone else has the worst possible motives for theirs.
62. You talking about my church’s scandal is gossip and backbiting. Me talking about your church’s scandal is instruction and warning.
63. Body piercings, tattoos, and unnatural hair colors are counter-cultural and therefore evil. Culottes and arranged marriages are counter-cultural and therefore required.
64. If something is unfamiliar or difficult to understand, it’s best to take a stand against it by default. Reasons can be invented later.

Feast of the Assumption

 The Feast of the Assumption of the Blessed Virgin Mary - another example of "not-so-ordinary" days! These are COUNTING days - and...